What’s Pissing Me Off Now?

Since last night’s Daily Show was a rerun, I took the free thirty minute period to write up a “What’s Pissing Me Off Now?” post. So, what’s pissing me off, you may ask?

1. Sexting pisses me off. You say don’t know what “sexting” is? Well, sexting is a portmanteau of “sex” and “texting,” and the practice consists of texting someone, preferably a significant other and not a casual acquaintance, a nude photo of yourself. As I understand it, sexting has become quite popular with high school age adolescents.

Why is this practice pissing me off? Because, when these hot and bothered sexters get caught sexting, the authorities are bringing them up on child pornography charges for sending nude photos of minors. And the nude photos are photos of their own nude bodies. And they’re minors themselves. And they’re sending these photos to other minors. Yeah. I don’t get it either. I always thought “you show me yours and I’ll show you mine” was a rite of passage and not a federal crime.

Leave this poor kids alone, dammit! They want to see nudity, just exactly like every teenager that has ever lived has wanted to do. So what if they’re using cell phones to swap nude photos of themselves like collectors of X-rated high school baseball cards. Got her, need her, need’em, got’em. At least they’re sending photos of each other and not exchanging videos of vomit-inducing rubbish like 2 Girls 1 Cup, which, ironically, is what adults trade back and forth.

2. “Tea Parties” are really, really pissing me off. Select groups of people who disagree with the President’s stimulus package are meeting in various cities to stage “Tea Parties” in protest. If you happen to live in Sacramento, Washington D.C., Georgia, or San Antonio, you are in luck, my friend! That’s right, Fox News is sending Neil Cavuto, Greta Van Sustern, Sean Hannity, and Glenn Beck to liven up the events of the Tea Parties in those respective cities. Us San Antonioians are particularly lucky, as the mighty Glenn Beck will appear in our fair city. Maybe he’ll burst into tears, trip and fall off the Riverwalk, and drown in the San Antonio River during the event.

I’m all in favor of protests, especially violent ones, but I can’t describe how fucking stupid I find these things. First off, has Fox News finally abandoned the absurd notion that it’s even semi-serious about the whole journalism thing? Because their support and organization of these idiotic soirees is by no means fair nor balanced. I mean, I’m fine with Fox outright abandoning the illusion that what they do is unbiased, they’re about as three dimensional as Alfred E. Newman to begin with, but don’t pretend to have journalistic integrity and then help advertise and pay for protests.

Second, do the people participating in these events even understand what the actual Boston Tea Party was about? The goofy fuckers protesting will most likely benefit from the crap in the stimulus bill, so that part is nothing like the Boston Tea Party. Also, the mantra during the Boston Tea Party was “No Taxation Without Representation.” Current day Partiers, you are represented in our government. So again, another fail.

Also, and I’m pretty sure of this, the original Tea Partiers weren’t even citizens of the United States–mainly because the United States DIDN’T EXIST YET! They were citizens of the British Crown protesting unfair taxing by King George. These current day shitheads might as well be burning effigies of Guy Fawkes while they’re at their Tea Parties.

Now, protesting rising taxes might be something that the modern Partiers have in common with our ancestors. I stress might because every colonist experienced unfair taxing practices by the Crown, but right now the only people getting that 2% tax increase are folks making well over a hundred grand a year. So I suppose if everyone at these Tea Parties is making that much then at least they have that in common with the Boston Tea Partiers. If they make under that amount…well, they should probably just shut the fuck up.

These Tea Parties are nothing more than a rhetorically manipulative ploy by rich, white people, motivated by capitalist greed, to rally and enrage average citizens to their defense by tapping into an event that said citizens don’t even understand. The new “Woodstock” concerts were the same damn thing. Those concerts were filled with dipshits that had no idea about what the original Woodstock was about. Hopefully these stupid Tea Parties will turn out just like Woodstock 99.

3. Plagiarism really, really, really pisses me off. On March 24th, I posted an extended fart joke in lieu of an actual post. The second comment on that post was from “unknown,” and it was ironic, hilarious, and totally awesome.

And then Tank, my hetero-lifemate, conducted a little journalistic research and discovered the comment had been cut and pasted from a “Best of Craigslist.”

My disappointment was palatable.

That was an update on the things that are pissing me off. I hope you enjoyed it. I know I feel better.