What, Me Electric Worry?

At the end of my day I have two classes back to back. Back to back classes aren’t necessarily a bad thing, as the two hours just zip by, but when my adrenaline’s faded at the end of those two classes I feel exhausted. It may not sound like a lot of work, but standing up in front of a group of twenty-five students teaching for nearly two hours is actually quite draining.

The walk from my office to the parking lot is my time to sorta decompress. I walk slowly. I drink in the afternoon and savor the sunlight. I bring an extra granola bar to work specifically so I can enjoy it as I leave.

Today, as I was leisurely strolling and enjoying my chocolate chip granola bar…a bird shit on my left shoulder. Just shit right on me.

I might think that the universe was tying to tell me something, if I believed in such things.

After I got into the Jeep and turned on the radio, Clutch’s song “Electric Worry,” began to play. I really like this song. Not enough to make me forget about my shitty shoulder, but I still like it. Listening to this song makes me want to drink a warm, cheap beer and play pool on a marred up pool table with a wobbly pool cue. It might not be Muddy Waters or John Lee Hooker, but it’s still a semi-blues tune, and after receiving a turd on the shoulder hearing it calmed me down.

Categories: Music, Teaching | 3 Comments

Aristocratic A-Holes

A couple of days ago, my friend Flood and I were discussing politics, as we are wont to do, and the conversation gravitated towards image. Having grown up on a farm in the boonies I find it funny that the president claims to like to build fences and clear brush on his Crawford ranch while on vacation. Barbed-wire fences suck, and briars and grapevines suck even more than fences. I think the whole ranch-hand thing’s more theater than anything else (Flood’s not as cynical).

Even if the president actually likes to do those things, I don’t think anyone would argue with me that people in locations of power tend to assume a humble and down-to-earth public persona, despite how totally not-humble they are in real life. Bush likes for people to believe that despite his Ivy League education and his privileged up-bringing that he’s just a good ‘ole boy who shoots from the hip. And I’m not picking on Bush (maybe a little), because most presidents tend to construct a false history to blur and soften their lives of privilege.

As Americans, we really, really distrust wealth and power. We like to believe in the “American Dream;” the notion of the self-made man appeals to all of us, and any dynastic wealth tends to upend that American mythology. Personally, I think it’s residual hatred of anything that resembles the aristocracy left over from the American Revolution. Our politicians don’t overtly claim a right to power based on title, but with Bush in the White House and Hillary gunning for the same position, I don’t think it’s such a stretch to claim that many politicians feel a familial entitlement to positions of power.

Which leads me to Britney Spears.

Hang on…stick with me.

There’s been some really awful stuff written about her online (I do my part to contribute), and I think I know why. People made fun of her when she was still performing regularly, but nowhere near as aggressively as they do now. Granted, her behavior’s become more erratic, but I don’t think that’s it. As a culture we’re willing to overlook a lot of nonsense from celebrities as long as they’re still artistically productive (R. Kelly, I’m lookin’ at you).

No, I think the reason people are being so mean toward her is because we resent the fact that she’s not really productive any more, and frankly, she’s only famous because she’s famous. Same with Paris Hilton or Tommy Lee, or any other celebretard. They’re like spoiled aristocrats, running amongst us, flaunting their wealth and mocking our mundane lives. They don’t even have the courtesy to pretend to be every-day folk.

So we laugh at them. We attack them and we disparage them. Because deep down we don’t think they deserve their wealth and we despise their sense of entitlement.

If Britney wants to erase all the animosity towards her then she needs to forget about elaborate “come back” albums, or heavily choreographed dance routines, or stints in rehab. No, she needs to take a cue from politicians. She needs to do some manual labor for “fun.” Maybe she could swing a hammer on a Habit for Humanity house. Or she could clear brush on a local farm. If she asked me, and she hasn’t, I’d recommend shoveling cow shit out of a corral.

Not that I think shoveling cow manure would redeem her career…I’d just like to see Britney covered in cow shit.

Categories: Blogging, Politics | 5 Comments

Let’s Be Nice; Let’s Be Civil

After perusing through the archives on the site, I began to notice a rather disturbing trend.

I complain an awful lot.

Granted, there are a lot of problems in our society, but the blog makes me sound rather…well, bitchy, for lack of a better term. It’s hard for me to ignore things like Senator Craig’s non-gayness, the unforgivable Britney Spears performance at the VMA’s, Alberto Gonzales’ convenient memory-loss, and the reunion of Van Halen (’cause I know they’re just gonna break up again in three weeks, I just KNOW it).

So tonight I thought I’d publish a list of random things that make me happy.

1. Chili-cheese fries. (Okay, I’m starting out slow.)

2. The Petraeus report–comedy is fun.

3. Making up stories about the people I see in the other cars waiting at the traffic light with me. (Most of my stories end with their deaths…yeah, I realize this one isn’t nice, but it does make me happy, so there you go.)

4. Singing old school rap songs in my head when I’m supposed to be paying attention to other people talking. “The first amendment gave us freedom of speech./So what you sayin? It didn’t include me? I like to party and have a good time./There’s nothin’ but pleasure written in our rhyme.”

5. The corporate greed that causes stores to start putting holiday decorations on the shelves nearly three months before the holiday actually occurs. Normally this would fall under things that irritate me, but I make an exception for Halloween. I get a big old smile on my face every time I realize there’s a holiday that not only allows, but encourages, me to dress like this:

cutup

You know what? Nice and happy is really boring, and besides, if you wanted happy you sure as hell wouldn’t be on this blog. Tomorrow I’ll be vitriolic and hateful, I promise.

Categories: Jackassery | 4 Comments

links for 2007-09-10

  • Includes “When dealing with a killa bee swarm in the Land of Shaolin,” by the Wu-Tang institute, “Procedure for rolling down the street in your 6-4,” by Dr. Easy-E, and “The Unified Bitch Theory,” by Drs. Dre and Dogg.
Categories: Daily Link Dump | Leave a comment

Back On Track

Let me ask you a question–what happens when you return from work after a three month hiatus and find yourself overwhelmed with obligations? That’s right, your mind turns to doo-doo and you quit blogging!

Regular blog post tonight. Expect broad generalizations, baseless assertions, disgusting rhetoric, atrociously bad language, and an in-depth analysis of the impact and the unintended consequences the regicide of King Charles I brought upon 17th century Britain, including but not limited to, commerce, literature, and social mores.

Okay, so the last thing’s complete bullshit, but expect everything else. Until then, here’s a bunny with a pancake on its head:

bunny
Categories: Blogging | 3 Comments

I’m Not Gay…But I’d Still Like To See Your…Wait, Are Those Handcuffs?

Tonight we’ll be talking about what it means to be gay, or, more specifically, what it means to be decidedly not-gay, especially if you’re in the U.S. Senate.**

I know what intellectuals like Kinsey have to say on the subject of homosexuality, and while tonight’s post may very well include academic insights on the subject, if I were you I’d just expect an all-around juvenile attack on Sen. Craig.

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links for 2007-08-28

Categories: Daily Link Dump | Leave a comment

Fail

Everyone, please say hello to South Carolina’s Ms. Fail 2007:

Categories: Blogging | Leave a comment

Dogs and Cats, Living Together…

Good gracious. It’s been a weird news morning.

First, I see everywhere that Speedy resigned. Hasta la vista, puto!

Then I read that Owen Wilson has been hospitalized for a botched suicide attempt. Ugh.

Hopefully Speedy will remember he resigned tomorrow. I also hope that Wilson receives the help he needs. Unlike Lohan, whom I wouldn’t care less about if she died in a cocaine-binge, I think Wilson’s pretty funny. Plus, he’s a Texas boy. I gotta support the good ones.

Somebody take’em motor-boatin’ and he’ll be fine.

Categories: Blogging | 1 Comment

links for 2007-08-24

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