A couple of days ago, my officemate, Karen, introduced me to a totally addictive web-game. It’s called “Free Rice,” and it’s basically a vocabulary game, but the kicker is that for every word you correctly identify the website will donate ten grains of rice to the United Nations to help world poverty. Ten grains ain’t a lot, but at least I get a sense of philanthropy while I’m screwing off.
So I’m in my office, kicking mucho ass on this game, and I come across this question:
First off, I’m completely flummoxed. As far as I know “skeet” is none of those things, so I don’t know which one to choose. Secondly, why the hell would a previously high-brow game suddenly start using words that ‘Lil Jon routinely employs?
So I chose randomly, and much to my chagrin I discovered that “skeet” does not mean what I thought it meant (be warned: the definition contained in that link is gross, misogynistic, and juvenile…now go ahead and click it).
Needless to say, the U.N. didn’t get that ten grains of rice, but I did learn something new. Win some, lose some.
I’m a big fan of the ongoing writers’ strike. First off, it’s entertaining to see Elaine in the picket line, wearing a crappy pair of sweats and a sucking on a bottle of water. I also love the notion of Jay Leno delivering donuts to the strikers on his big, stupid Harley, like some kind of Hell’s Angel delivery boy.
But aside from the entertainment aspect, the strike represents a group of artists, standing up as one, proclaiming “We’re mad as hell, and we’re not gonna take it anymore!”
For those of you who aren’t pop culture zombies, the Writer’s Guild of America (WGA) called for a writers strike after the production companies refused to renegotiate the writers’ wages. Of particular contention in the negotiation were the residuals of DVD and internet sales. Writers receive no compensation for material sold over the internet, and they only receive four cents from each DVD sold. The production studios claim these two forms of media are nothing more than promotional tools; meanwhile, the studios air fewer and fewer reruns, and rake in the cash on DVD and iTunes sales.
I’m a big fan of this strike, mainly because I’m a big fan of standing up to crappy organizations. And if this sounds vaguely communist, well, deal with it. Marx and Engels had some interesting stuff to say. Politically, I like to think of myself as a Repubocratitarian anyway.
I’d be tempted to call myself an independent, but those people are fucking nuts.
No, I support this strike simply because it’s another incident in a long line of incidents where a media company has lost control of its media. I find entropy entertaining, which, funnily enough, is the same reason I support file-sharing. The RIAA and the MPAA are suing the pants off of anyone they catch file-sharing not because they are losing money, or because file-sharers represent a true danger to their bottom lines, but more because file-sharers are usurping power away from the RIAA and MPAA. The current paradigm is breaking down, and no longer are the MPAA and RIAA the principal power-holders of their respective media.
And don’t give me that shit about stealing from artists. If you think that by downloading a CD from a torrent site you’re stealing a massive amount from an artist then think again. Most musicians get less than a dollar for each CD sale, and many of them get mere pennies. If you buy used CDs then they get nothing at all. No, if you want to support your favorite artist then go see them in concert, or buy some of their merchandise, because that’s where they really make their money. If you’re really serious about supporting the artist then use the money you saved not buying their grossly over-priced CD to buy a T-shirt at their concert.
Just as the writers now refuse to work, many musicians are beginning to get angry about this disproportionate profiteering on the part of the record labels and the RIAA. Trent Reznor will release the next NIN album sans production company and completely free on the internet. If you want, you’ll be able to buy a very high quality version of the album (higher quality than a CD) off of his website. Reznor also recently partnered with Saul Williams, and they released the album “The Inevitable Rise and Fall of Niggy Tardust” in the same manner (it’s an interesting album, and yes, I paid for it, just as I will the new NIN album). Radiohead just offered their new album for free, and many other artists have started realizing that they can bypass production companies altogether and sell their music at a much greater profit directly to the fans.
I’m glad the writers, and artists in general, are standing up and demanding that they receive adequate and fair prices for their art. Without the artists producing commercially viable products, the production companies wouldn’t exist in the first place. DVD sales have kept many studios in the black, and to hoard all that money away from the writers is reprehensible.
But as much as I enjoy watching the whole debacle, I hope they reach a resolution quickly. If new episodes of “The Daily Show” don’t start airing pretty soon, I’m gonna have to hire a psychiatrist to help me deal with all the bullshit in the world.
I like to think of myself as an intelligent person. I read a lot. I pride myself on being politically and socially conscious. I use big words, and over fifty percent of the time I know what they mean.
But sometimes I do something so damn dumb that I wonder if evolution is trying to tell me something.
Tonight while I was showering I punched myself in the face. Accidentally. And it hurt.
Here’s what went down when I was attacked: I picked up the shampoo and squirted a dime-sized dollop in my right hand. As I lifted my hand towards my head to lather up, my elbow brushed the tile on the side of the shower. Instead of simply side-stepping to the left to move away from the wall, and thus remove the bind I was in, I thrust my hand up quickly. But unfortunately, the wall was wet, and when I thrust my hand up my elbow accelerated on the slippery surface, and my closed fist slammed into my jaw. And to add insult to injury, my fist flew open and I got shampoo in my eyes.
I almost fell down.
Sadly, this was not the most embarrassing thing I’ve ever done, nor is it the dumbest thing I’ve ever blogged about.
Just as a short preface to this post, I think I should mention that I’ve edited and rewritten part of this several times since I first mentioned the topic. First off, I’ve been busy, and I simply haven’t had the motivation nor the mental strength to post. Secondly, at Halloween a reader of this blog, upon meeting me in person for the first time, said that I wasn’t anywhere near as angry in person as I was on the blog. I do use this as a location for complaining, hopefully in a humorous way, but she was right, and I don’t want to seem like a curmudgeon.
So I rewrote this.
And rewrote it.
And after several goes at a rewrite, try as I might, I sound like a curmudgeon. Oh, well.
If you haven’t seen the trailer for the new movie “The Golden Compass,” take a second to watch this clip.
Looks pretty cool, right? There’s swords, magical items, the always attractive Nicole Kidman, and talking bears, which, except for Boo-Boo, are always welcome in any movie or TV show.
The Catholic League of America (which, other than the member being Roman Catholic, has no affiliation with the Roman Catholic Church) has called for a boycott of the film, as have many other Christian organizations in the U.S. So what’s the problem?
Philip Pullman, the author of the books the movie is based on, is an Oxford graduate who went on to teach at his alma mater, a winner of the Carnegie medal for children’s literature, and an atheist. It’s that last bit that has William Donahue, the pit-bull of the Catholic League, all in a tither.
Pullman has never denied the fact that his books are atheistic in nature. The books that comprise His Dark Materials trilogy are about a corrupt and oppressive Authority, which can be seen as an allegory for organized religion. John Milton’s “Paradise Lost” served not only as an influence in naming the trilogy, but as a thematic influence as well.
Typically, Bill Donahue and his ilk have called for a boycott of the film, and by proxy the books, without ever having seen nor read either of them. Donahue and his emailing campaign has been so successful that at the time of this post “The Golden Compass” is the number two entry over at Snopes. It blows my mind to think of boycotting or banning literature, much less doing so without ever having read the “offending” texts. To quote the good Dr. Jones, “Goose-stepping morons…should try reading books instead of burning them.”
Donahue seems to think that Pullman is out to “bash Christianity and promote atheism,” and the movie is simply the secular media’s way of stealthily converting your children to atheism. Donahue seems to view atheism, and all philosophy not his own, as some kind of virus, able to infect and corrupt children simply through proximity.
Let me quote the Elder Brother in Milton’s other great work “Comus”: “Virtue may be assail’d but never hurt, / Surpris’d by unjust force but not enthrall’d” (11. 589-590). To paraphrase, the truly virtuous should never worry, because the unjust may surprise the virtuous person, but the unjust will never subjugate the virtuous. In other words, if your child’s Christianity is destroyed by a movie starring Nicole Kidman and James Bond, or by a book written by a dude named Phil, then your child wasn’t a very good Christian to begin with.
There is always something to be learned from the foreign, whether that be race, religion, gender, or nationality.
Here’s something else Donahue and other fundamentalists never seem to realize: this is a religiously diverse society. Some people are very religious, and others are not, and that’s perfectly okay. I don’t expect a religious pluralism, but let’s all try to understand one another, shall we? There is no better way for your child to become tolerant of other races, religions, and ideologies than to expose him or her to them and then discuss them. Do’em a favor, and give them the intellectual tools needed to operate as a rational being on this spherical melting pot we call Earth.
Or, by all means, cloister your children. Hide them. Protect them from the evils of the “secular” world. Only subject them to the principles and ideologies that you personally believe in. That way they’ll either completely resent and deny you the moment they realize you’ve sheltered them all their life, or you’ll bless the world with another intolerant and ignorant bigot.
Either way. I’d always enjoy a tolerant society, but bigots are fun, too.
I’ve received several indigent e-mail forwards about the new film “The Golden Compass,” each of which call for a boycott of the film. I’ve never read the books on which the film is based, but apparently the author, Philip Pullman, is an atheist, and an atheistic ideology informs the plot of the books.
Incidentally, the judges of the Carnegie Medal called The Golden Compass “one of the ten most important children’s novels of the past 70 years.”
Remember, remember the Fifth of November,
The Gunpowder Treason and Plot,
I know of no reason
Why Gunpowder Treason
Should ever be forgot.
Guy Fawkes, Guy Fawkes, t’was his intent
To blow up King and Parliament.
Three-score barrels of powder below
To prove old England’s overthrow;
By God’s providence he was catch’d
With a dark lantern and burning match.
Holloa boys, holloa boys, let the bells ring.
Holloa boys, holloa boys, God save the King!
I want to preface this post with a few things. Unlike many non-neocons, I do not find Ann Coulter offensive or revolting. I find her highly amusing, and if she had her own talk show, I’d tune in regularly just to watch her antics. I also find it highly entertaining that she reduces many liberals into misogynistic rapists. Any comments section dealing with Ann Coulter will undoubtedly contain several comments such as “Fucking Ann Coulter. You know what she needs? A good [insert graphic sex act here]! That’s what she needs!”
On Monday night Ann Coulter appeared on “The Big Idea” with Danny Deutsch. At one point in the show Ann said that the world would be a much easier place if everyone were Christian, and then she proceeded to say that Christians “want Jews to be perfected.” Deutsch was appropriately horrified at her “anti-Semitic” comments, and he told her so in no uncertain terms. After the commercial break Coulter explained why she didn’t feel her comment was offensive:
No. I’m sorry. It [the comment] is not intended to be [offensive]. I don’t think you should take it that way, but that is what Christians consider themselves: perfected Jews. We believe the Old Testament. As you know from the Old Testament, God was constantly getting fed up with humans for not being able to, you know, live up to all the laws. What Christians believe — this is just a statement of what the New Testament is — is that that’s why Christ came and died for our sins. Christians believe the Old Testament. You don’t believe our testament.
I also don’t know why Deutsch found this offensive. According to many sects of Christianity, the only way a person can reach Heaven is through baptism and acceptance of Christ as a savior. Catholicism does include an exemption of sorts, which basically says that some people mysteriously sneak past St. Peter anyway, but acceptance of Christ is pretty much the basis of the Christian faith. Hence the freaking name: CHRISTian.
Maybe I just understand religions differently than other people, but I was under the assumption that most religions think they’ve got the exclusive pass into the netherworld-nightclub. If you believe fervently in your religion then why is it offensive to tell someone else that they’ll be burning in Hell? If that’s what you believe then you’d be a hypocrite not to say it.
Again, I’m not advocating this mindset, but if you’re going to be a Christian then that means you think everyone else is wrong, whether they be Jews, Muslims, Buddhists, or Pastafarians. And it works backwards for every other religion, too.
Plus, if you’re already of opposite religions, why should a heretic’s prediction about your eternal fate have any impact on you at all? You already believe they’re absolutely wrong, so their pronouncement of damnation should mean nothing. Deutsch isn’t Christian, he’s Jewish, so what’s he care if some goofy-ass Johnny-come-lately follower thinks he’s not “perfected?” Deutsch is part of the “chosen race,” anyway, so he’s pretty much already perfected, right?
I don’t necessarily agree with everything Richard Dawkins has said about religion and atheisim, but I do think this quote is appropriate: “We are all atheists about most of the gods that humanity has ever believed in. [Atheists] just go one god further.”
“There’s a guy I know, but not well. He’s polite and friendly. He’s average looking. He means well. As far as I can tell, he’s a good citizen. And yet, every time I see him, I want to beat him to death with a shovel and bury him in a shallow grave
“The sword was going and I was trying to duck and weave and bob,” he said. “We were absolutely locked in a death struggle to control that sword. I was getting sliced and he was screaming and yelling.”
As I’ve said time and time and time and time and time again: I do love me some celebrity bad news. There’s just something about the downfall of a narcissistic asshole that puts a big old smile on my face.
Take this video from the Letterman show. Dave is making fun of Paris Hilton to her face! And it seems like she actually understands that he’s making fun of her, which in my mind is the most amazing thing about the video:
Here’s a fun game–rewatch the video, and count how many times Paris’ foot bobs up and down in unadulterated rage at Dave’s insulting, but absolutely hilarious, questions.
I love when Dave gets old-school and refuses to kiss the ass of some self-important celebretard.
Makes me want to watch Dave’s award-winning role in the groundbreaking film “Cabin Boy.”
