links for 2008-06-13

Categories: Daily Link Dump | 3 Comments

A Little Bit Of This–A Little Bit Of That

I’ve got several posts coming up, but this one will just be a delightful smorgasbord of non sequiturs.

As I’m writing this, Zooey Deschanel is on Letterman. She is appearing before Scott McClellan, which just blows my mind. A fly is circling her stupid head, which I find oddly fitting. Dave seems more interested in the fly than in Zooey.

My internet connection started acting wonky last week, and then on Sunday it pretty much crapped out. I could reboot the modem and it would work for about fifteen minutes, but then it would go down quicker than Larry Craig in a men’s room (too dated?). I called Time Warner, and they said it would be this Saturday before a service guy could bring me another modem. A whole week without internets? I couldn’t handle it. I had drive to Time Warner myself. It was either that, or start shooting heroin. I had to have something to take the edge off.

I decided a while ago that next semester, instead of driving to work, I would ride my bike. Right now I’m working on a committee to develop an online tutoring program at UTSA, so I’ve actually had to be at my office during the summer, which means I’ve already started riding to the campus. In the few times I’ve ridden up to UTSA, I’ve noticed one, glaring fact: People driving cars are complete assholes. Seriously, slow down and share the friggin’ road, you jerks.

Even if you aren’t a cook, you need to buy Alton Brown’s new book Feasting on Asphalt: The River Run AB and his crew took their motorcycles and followed the Mississippi from the Gulf of Mexico up to its mouth in Minnesota. The only rules of the trip were that they couldn’t under any circumstances ride on an interstate, and they had to eat at local, independently owned restaurants. The book is AB’s diary of the trip, and while it does contain a few recipes, AB’s observations of America are simply wonderful.

Politics aside, do you feel comfortable knowing that the potential President of the United States doesn’t know how to operate a computer AT ALL ? Maybe I’m being silly, but I firmly believe that the President should at least be as capable as a four-year old.

I’ll leave you with one of the creepiest, and frighteningly memorable, music videos I’ve ever seen. Warning: Some nsfw language…and the two skeevy dudes just might haunt your dreams:

Categories: Blogging | 2 Comments

links for 2008-06-08

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You Have TP?

This video made my inner-Beavis sit up and say ehehehehehehehehehehehmmm:

Categories: Jackassery | 2 Comments

links for 2008-06-06

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Pictorial Inspiration

When I’m out in public and bored, I like to invent stories about people I see. I usually do this most often at places like Michael’s, which Leigh loves but is like kryptonite, or when I’m at a restaurant by myself. This morning, I came across a photo online, and for some reason I found it captivating. And a story sprung up in my head.

Here’s the original photo (click to enlarge):

radios

After you’ve had a change to view the unaltered photo, have a look at a version that I annotated (click to enlarge):

radios annotated


Angela and Molly grew up on neighboring farms. Despite the fact that their families’ farms were more than a mile away, Angela and Molly saw each other every day. They both came from a large family (Angela-nine siblings; Molly-twelve siblings), and their friendship was a way to escape from the chaos of a large family. Everyday after school, Angela and Molly would walk together down the dusty, gravel road back to their farms, and back to the work that needed to be done. They dreamed of marrying the Danver brothers and having large families of their own.

They graduated from eighth grade and began to work at home, doing chores around the house and helping with farm work as much as their dads would let them. They saw less of one another, but after a summer of work they had worn a path in the corn fields that separated the farms. On days when they weren’t so tired that they couldn’t move, Angela and Molly would cross the fields and meet in a small pear grove. They would talk and gossip and snack on pears until the last remnants of the burnt red sun began to disappear, and then they would walk back home and start the day anew.

Then one summer when the weather had been particularly hot and dry, their respective family’s began to feel the impact of a drought. Crops sat scorched and dry in the fields, the milk cows dried up and gave very little milk, the few beef cattle looked gaunt and starved, and everyone began to worry about a winter food shortage.

Angela and Molly’s pastor began meeting with their parents, and in a few weeks he had convinced them that it might be best to send Angela and Molly away to the city to work for the winter, in an effort to make sure they had enough to eat and to send money back to the farms.

The girls were resistant at first, but they knew it was probably for the best, so at the end of August they packed some clothes, a few books, and ink and paper to write home, and headed north on the train to the city. Molly slept the whole way while Angela watched the countryside fly by her window.

When they arrived at the city they were overwhelmed and amazed by the size and the noise, but that amazement soon turned to acceptance, and acceptance gave way to immersion and apathy. They stayed at the local YWCA, and they both got jobs in a radio assembling factory. Molly had worried at first because the only radio she’d ever seen had been in a picture inside the Sears and Roebuck catalogue, but Angela was convinced they didn’t need to know anything about radios.

And she was right. The girls soon discovered that their job was less complicated than chopping wood or washing a cow’s udders, but far more monotonous and exhausting. At the end of each day they were continually shocked that they could be so tired from standing in one place, moving their arms and hands mere inches, over and over, for twelve hours a day.

At first, Molly’s fingers bled from the rough circuit boards and the pins of the transistors. Then they scabbed. Then the scabs would come off and her fingers would bleed some more. Then one day she realized she wasn’t having any more trouble with her fingers, and she was disgusted to see that on her fingertips she had grown thick, meaty callouses.

Their supervisor, Thomas, seemed to be a nice man. Angela like him because he would occasionally allow them five more minutes on their half-hour lunch break, and he would ignore the fact that sometimes a worker would stay in the bathroom for several minutes before emerging smelling slightly of cigarette smoke. Molly like him because he pronounced her name “MAH-lee” instead of “MOLL-ee” the way everyone else did. The girls dreaded when Thomas’s boss, Frank, who was the nephew of the owner, would come down from the offices above the factory. Frank thought Thomas was too easy on the women workers. To correct this laxity, Frank would pick a girl every visit and berate her and explain to the rest of the workers how the girl was only allowed to work there by the compassion of his uncle. He would curse and point, and as he did so he had to continually push his glasses back up the bridge of his nose. Frank thought the women should be working an extra hour a day, and he was convinced that a thirty minute lunch break only reinforced a woman’s propensity for gossip and hen-like behavior.

One day, while walking home from the factory, Angela happened to find a tattered, and very old-looking, copy of McClure’s Magazine hanging precariously from a trash can by its spine. Angela took it home with them, and when Molly woke up in the middle of the night Angela was still sitting in the corner reading the same article. Something about “The Shame of the Cities,” or “The Shame of our Cities.” Molly wasn’t sure of the title, but she knew Angela had finished the article earlier in the night, mostly because she wouldn’t shut up about it, and she couldn’t imagine why she’d be rereading it.

In the days that followed, Angela began talking in hushed voices and in closed-off groups with some of the scruffier women in the factory. They called each other “sister,” and nodded slyly whenever they passed one another on the factory floor. Angela would try to engage Molly with talk of folks like Lincoln Steffans, Marcus Garvey, and Richard Wright, but Molly grew bored with Angela’s new-found interest in politics, and soon Angela stopped discussing these things with Molly altogether.

Molly began to get worried when Angela began staying out late. She would come back to their room at the YWCA well after midnight, and sometimes she only had time for a couple hours of sleep before they had to go to work. When Molly questioned her, Angela would only say she had a meeting that she had to attended.

At work, Angela began to risk punishment from Frank by taking random breaks throughout the day. She’d simply walk away from the line and go sit down, which would force Frank to come down from his office and scream at her, and then turn and scream at Thomas. On one occasion, she looked at her watch, walked away from the line, and sat down on a bench, but before Frank saw her from his upstairs office, Thomas ran over and began to whisper furiously in her hear. Angela started to argue, but eventually, with a “hrumph” and a bad attitude, Angela went back to work. She finished that day without any more break-protests.

One day during their lunch break, several women that Molly didn’t know approached her and questioned her about whether or not she supported “the movement.” Molly didn’t know what they were talking about, but their tone scared her into saying that yes, she did support it. They told her that if that was true, then she should be at the next meeting with Angela. They left her feeling empty and nervous, and Molly left her cheese sandwich half uneaten on the wooden lunch table. That afternoon a photographer from the newspaper came in and took some pictures of the women on the line. Frank had yelled at the women before the photographer had arrived, and he had told them quite angrily that if he heard about any of the women lying and making up stories to the photographer there’d be trouble. Molly barely noticed the man all afternoon, despite the disruptions he caused. She simply could not take her eyes off of Angela, who kept staring and smiling at the photographer. By the end of the day Molly had heard Angela tell the photographer that he should show up the next Monday if he wanted some really good pictures.

That Friday night, Molly tried to talk to Angela about the women, the photographer, and her odd behavior. Angela was dismissive, and told her that she was too fragile to participate in what needed to happen. She said that after Monday, Molly could help her, but the work before then was too dangerous, and besides, she knew that Molly had no interest in politics. Angela left to go to out, and Molly went to sleep.

When Molly woke up the next morning she was concerned to discover that Angela had not returned. She began to convince herself that perhaps Angela was having a secret, romantic relationship with Thomas, as they were always whispering to one another. In her heart she knew that wasn’t true…but she wished it was.

By Sunday night Molly was so distraught that she’d hardly slept or eaten. She knew something bad had happened. Knew it had something to do with movements, meetings, and the photographer, but she didn’t know what. She stayed up all Sunday night, and when work time rolled around at five in the morning, Molly couldn’t wait to get out of the room.

When Molly got to the factory there were several large, imposing men waiting at the entrance. They stared at her as she passed, scrutinizing her every move. When she got inside to her position on the line, she noticed that there were quite a few women missing. And Frank was wandering around the floor of the factory, looking bemused and malevolently happy. Molly couldn’t help but notice that Thomas was amongst the missing, and along with everything else in her mind, she now had to contend with the possibility that Frank would be supervising them all day long.

Throughout the day, Frank paced the floor of the factory. No one spoke except Frank. Periodically, he would yell at a woman, but never for anything specific, and he sounded like he was enjoying the yelling more than the ever had before. Several times Molly heard Frank joke with the imposing men about the “non-moving movement.” She pretended not to hear.

Molly, and the rest of the women, worked the rest of the day in complete silence. And all morning, and into the afternoon, Molly tried half-heartedly to keep her tears from falling onto the transistors.

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Obama’s Victory Speech

Tonight Barack Obama clinched the nomination to become the democratic candidate for President of the United States.To be quite frank, I thought Barack was a little bit mean.

Categories: Politics | Leave a comment

Hello, I’m A Traffic-Whore. Nice To Meet You.

I’m a fairly cynical person, and for the most part I rely on the internet to supply me with the logic and reason that is sadly absent from real life. And no, I’m not being sarcastic. The thing about the internet is that while it’s filled with wackos and perverts, a discerning surfer knows how to avoid those sites and forums like the plague. So while I might be forced to listen to the fuckwit in the Wal-Mart checkout line ramble on about a 9/11 cover-up, if I’m on the internets I can just surf on away from that kind of douchebaggery.

But sometimes the internets bushwack me, and I get a heapin’ helpin’ of full-on loony tunes.

Last Thursday I wrote about Stan Tiger Romanek, the asshat who claims he videotaped an alien. He had a film editor from Denver analyze the tape and determine it was “authentic,” which, from what I can ascertain, simply means that the tape does contain a moving image of some sort. Here’s Romanek on Larry King. Please note, the creature with glasses and suspenders is actually Larry King and not the alleged space alien:

If you aren’t able to tell that Romanek is an complete and total dodo bird from that clip then please, feel free to never stop by Hyperliterature again. I also hope you appreciate the comedy of the “reenactment” videos. They make me think Larry King might have a sense of humor.

I blogged about this story for three reasons: 1) I thought it was an oddball story filled with ridiculous people, and I love making fun of ridiculous people; 2) Several years ago I blogged about my sadness regarding the dearth of recent alien sightings, so I thought the story was serendipitous; 3) I didn’t have anything intelligent to say about substantive issues (which explains why I blog about absolute bullshit most of the time).

So imagine my surprise when that one, stupid blog post resulted in a spike in traffic unlike any I’ve ever seen. I’ve been Dugg before, and the traffic spike from the Stan Tiger Romanek blog post dwarfed the Digg Effect. Most amazingly, the traffic came from individual Google search results and not from forwarding via a social networking site like Digg, Reddit, or Propeller.

With all the frightening things actually occurring in our world that demand out attention, I’m stunned that this stupid story has caused such an uproar.

I also have to admit that the temptation to name-drop “Stan Tiger Romanek” into a post for the sole purpose of generating Google search hits for my site is difficult to pass up. I mean, just think how many hits this sentence could potentially generate: “Yesterday in Iraq, whilst in the midst of lesbian sex, Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan declared war on the 9/11 cover-up, while simultaneously requesting anal sex from Stan Tiger Romanek in Israel, pending the consent of President Bush, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, and Kari from Mythbusters.”

There. That oughta crash the site counter.

Categories: Blogging, Jackassery, Nerdology | 4 Comments

Poetry Pinhead

As a student of english literature, I’ve always had a hard time with poetry. There are a handful of poets that I like, and who I will read for pleasure, but for the most part the majority of the poetry I’ve read and am knowledgeable about is the product of my education. Poetry, and especially poetry following the Romantics, is too much work for me to enjoy. I’m not one of those cats that can just “feel” a poem, so I have to sit there and read, read, and re-read the damn thing until I’m finally able to decipher it like a Sudoku puzzle. Some people might say I’m just not passionate enough to fully appreciate poetry. To those people I say, “not so.” Why, just yesterday I had myself a good and thorough cry (Stand by Me was on…or was it Armageddon). I’m also intrinsically non-musical, so trying to graph, or even hear, metric patterns aggravates me more than a toothache at an ice cream party.

For my tastes, rap hip-hop is more entertaining than modern poetry. I apologize to all my literature-brethren about this. I obviously have a flawed poetry-palate. My guess is that rap is so simplistic that even my moronic brain can understand it. Case in point: the new track “Flyentology” from El-P’s album I’ll Sleep When You’re Dead. I’m loving it. Here’s the video:

El-P also wrote a poem, “A Draconian Love Song,” that I thought was pretty good (again, take my poetic analysis with a grain of salt.) I’d cut and paste his poem, but since he’s a blogger and he posted on his blog, I’m simply providing him a link. I’d rather him get the traffic than me.

I’d also like to point out that fellow blogger Anniina has been writing and posting poetry to her blog for quite a while. And if you think reading poetry is hard, well, writing it is exponentially harder, and I’m super-envious of her poetic chops. She’s been curiously quiet of late. Maybe some traffic will spur the Muse.

Categories: Literature, Music | Leave a comment

links for 2008-06-01

  • Prince to YouTube: Take down my live cover of “Creep” immediately.
    Radiohead to YouTube: Put Prince’s cover of “Creep” back up immediately. We own the damn song, and he didn’t pay us for it.
Categories: Daily Link Dump | Leave a comment

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