Fightin’ Cousins

I’m sure we all have our favorite places on the internet that we visit when we need to kill some time. If I’m bored I tend to go back and forth between Fark, Digg, and Reddit to peruse the stories, always with a watchful eye out for things that might be interesting to discuss here. I always cringe when I see a story on Fark that’s about, or is from Texas, because undoubtably the story will be about some idiot or group of idiots that did something that deserves a Darwin award.

Tonight I found this story, which sports an amazing headline:

Hammer, screwdriver used during fight between cousins.

Police are trying to determine if charges will be filed after two female cousins used tools during a fight on the West Side Thursday morning. According to police, two women, in their 20s, got into a fight in the middle of El Paso Street around 1 a.m. One of the women hit the other in the head with a hammer, and the other was stabbed in the eye with a screwdriver. The woman stabbed in the eye remains in critical condition at a local hospital. The woman hit in the head was treated at the scene. Police have not charged anyone, because of conflicting stories from witnesses.

I’m almost proud to live in the city where this occurred. My first thought after reading this was which woman attacked first? Did the hammer-wielder smash her cousin in the head, thus prompting the retaliatory stabbing in the eye with the screwdriver? Or did the stabbing occur first, with the hammer-blow as an act of revenge? I’m assuming the screwdriver-stabbing occurred last, putting an abrupt end to the fight.

But you never know. Some people are pretty resilient, so I can only hope that at 1 a.m. on El Paso street there was a wild woman with a hammer, smashing her cousin repeatedly in the head, screaming like a banshee, all while a screwdriver was buried to the hilt in her eye.